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Saturday, September 25, 2010

Egg And Noodle Soup & Shit!

This recipe I took from the hood and brought to the motherfucking internet. When I was growing up we didn't have shit, no electric half the time and certainty no motherfucking food. We had to be creative with our hunger cause Ramen noodles, eggs, potatoes and shit like that all gets old and shit eating it day after day. One day I was like fuck, "I'm hungry as a motherfucking dope fiend looking for rocks" and that shit aint cool at all yo! I needed to eat something different plus I had to feed my baby brother too. I opened the motherfucking cabinet like shit was just gonna appear in that mother fucker. All we had was one mother fucking bag of dusty as Ramen noodle soup. I was like shit, how the fuck am I supposed to eat and feed my brother. So I go and open the fridge, behind Mama's Miller Light was a carton of eggs, I was like shit we just got lucky as a mother fucking hooker on a Friday night. I reached in that bitch and grabbed the fucking eggs and was like whats this shit this mother fucker is empty, hell no what the fuck do I do now. I open the carton and theres one motherfucking egg, I was like shit, we got one mother egg aint got no butter, no oil and I aint even gonna try to boil this shit. I went back to the pantry, opened the door, looked in closed that mother fucker  and opened that shit back up hoping there was something I missed. There it was a mother fucking onion sprouting green fucking grass looking shit. Thats when I was like fuck it little bro we gonna do an experiment and shit. I grabbed a no handle, broken ass pot from under the stove and filled that shit with 2 mother fucking cups of cold ass water. I put that shit on the mother fucking stove to let that shit boil. While that shit was boiling I grabbed that sprouting piece of shit onion and chopped the fuck out that bitch till I had about a 1/4cup good chopped onion and just thew that shit in the boiling water. Then I opened the drawer to find a whisk and thats when I found some old ass "Crushed Red Pepper" packets, I was like hell yeah now we can spice this shit. I found the whisk and was like mixing the fuck out of my one motherfucking egg until that shit was straight yellow. Then my water was boiling like a rock star so I grabbed them Ramen noodles and threw them bitches in that shit. then waited for them motherfuckers to soften up. That shit was smelling good as a motherfucker with them onions in there. When them noodles got a little soft I took a spoon and grabbed them beat the fuck up eggs and poured that shit in there while I was stirring the fuck out the whole mix. Then I grabbed about half a teaspoon of them crushed red peppers and put them in the fucking mix along with the chicken flavor shit from the Ramen Noodle pack. That shit must have smelled good as a mother fucker cause my neighbor came to the door and was like what the fuck you cooking and was like let me get some. I was like fuck you mother fucker this is my brothers and mine. I tried a little bit and it was good but something was missing I searched drawers and cabinets until I found the missing ingredient mother fucking hot sauce. I put just enough in the mix  to give it just a little mother fucking tang. That shit was the bomb and my little brother was always like make some of that Egg and Noodle Soup & Shit all the mother fucking time.

Heres what you need

  • 1 - Package Ramen Noodle Soup of your choice
  • 1/4 cup chopped onions
  • 1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper
  • 1/2 teaspoon Hot Sauce (optional)
  • 1 - Egg Beaten
  • 2 - cups water
  1. Get a medium sauce pan and bring 2 cups cold water to a boil.
  2. Drop in Ramen Noodles & 1/4 cup of chopped onions and boil for 1 minute 30 seconds.
  3. While stirring add Egg, 1/2 teaspoon of crushed red pepper & 1/2 teaspoon Hot Sauce.
  4. Continue to boil for about 2 minutes then remove from heat & serve.
Enjoy that shit it serves two.
-The Juice

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Porn, Make Money N' Shit!

So you want to make some money off the Porn Industy, well shit you come to the right fucking place. I will show you how to make some fucking cash for little effort if you follow my proven steps. No I'm not writing this shit to lure you into spending money on some fucked up get rich sceme. No sir I'm showing you this shit for free. Well shit, if you read this far I guess I got to start this mother fucking tutorial. Here we go.

  1. This step is very important so don't fucking skip this shit. First thing you need to do is purchase a domain name, you know like a good one like '' or some shit like that with some real meaning, something thats going to stick in peoples minds and shit. Get a dot com for Christs sake too don't be a cheap fucking bastard and get some shit like a '.info' or some shit. Go for the premium domains! But don't go to fucking crazy and buying a fucking high dollar mother fucker either. I'd spend no more than $30 on that shit. Remember not to get it hosted where you bought it yet cause you'll just be pissing money out your ass if you do. more on that in the next step.
  2.  Alright now you bought a fucking domain name and shit now you got to move on to the other bullshit. You need to find a fucking host that will allow you to host your domain name but most these fucking cocksuckers don't allow Porn shit to be hosted on their servers cause they are just a bunch of whinny bitches. Don't spend too much on this shit either. Just like your future site followers you want the most fuck for your buck. I would just find a free host for now that want be pussies and will host your domain name. If you want to piss out some cash go ahead and do it that way but like I say save your money for fucking condoms and whiskey.
  3. Now you are like, where do I get the content and shit, right? Well this is where most people fuck up and fail. You have a few fucking options here. The first one and the stupidest would be paying for your shit, thats fine and dandy but don't you think that all so called fresh content that them bitch ass content resellers are trying to sell you is all over the place and is stale as fuck like that fucking pizza crust just chilling in that week old pizza box is. Not to mention the shit is way over priced especially if you want quality and believe me you do. Go ahead and be a jack off if you want and pick that option but lets move on to the next. The second option is to fucking put a fucking add out or pay some fucking sluts to do some videos and photo shoots and shit. That takes a fuck ton of  bones. You got to get a high fucking dollar camera or hire a fucking photographer and to get video you got to hire someone to film it, edit and all that shit. Plus you got to keep fucking records of the cumdumpsters age name address all that shit to be in compliance with fucking title 18 U.S.C. 2257 shit. I say fuck that option too. The third option is you could steal content, get caught and get your ass raped for the next five fucking years. I'll leave that one up to you. The forth fucking option and the best way to do it in my opinion. To get content sign up as an affiliate with other porn sites, you know the big ones. They got all the content you need to make money and rub the skin off your fucking nub. The trick is to sign up and help promote their site. They will have all the tools you'll need, fucking banners, videos, full galleries and shit like that. You need to get allot of affiliates the more the fucking merrier. 
  4. Alright now you got all the fucking content your dick desires, now you need to start building your web page. Don't be a dipshit and use a lame ass fucking templates either not only is that fucking stupid as hell everyone on the block has the same ass shit. You need to set it up to set you apart from the rest of those template fucks. Do your self a favor and learn at least HTML and CSS. You can learn that shit for free if you fucking Google that shit. Build some galleries, links, vids and all that bullshit. Once it all looks good upload that shit but we aint making money yet. Thats why the next step is so important.
  5. You need to promote your shit yo! Thats right submit your site with description to all the mother fucking search engines you can find. Google mother fucking porn link submission and go to fucking town. Keep that shit up. And monitor your traffic see where it's coming from and build off it. It's fucking easy as fuck. Once your up and running update your fucking site with new shit every fucking day. The easiest way to do that is to build all your shit a week in advance and and only release a little at a time. After awhile you'll start getting hits. It seems slow as fuck at first but you got to keep that shit up. You wont get rich off this shit over night so just keep fucking trying. You'll get it if you don't give in as quick as Paris Hilton spreads her legs. 
  6. Keep up with all your sponsors, see which ones are not making you shit, and kill them bitches. Fill that space with sponsored content with higher payouts. Keep updating your shit daily and further promoting to get more visitors. The more visits equal more profits. Some sponsors payout as much as $35 if your referral becomes a member so theres an ass-load of fucking cash to be made off this shit.
  7. Repeat all the above fucking steps a few time and congratulations, you just created a porn empire. Maybe now you can afford that original content. Enjoy your fucking fat cash, house full of bitches and that new car, you busted your balls doing it. Now you can hire people do do this shit for you and retire early.
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