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Thursday, September 23, 2010

Porn, Make Money N' Shit!


So you want to make some money off the Porn Industy, well shit you come to the right fucking place. I will show you how to make some fucking cash for little effort if you follow my proven steps. No I'm not writing this shit to lure you into spending money on some fucked up get rich sceme. No sir I'm showing you this shit for free. Well shit, if you read this far I guess I got to start this mother fucking tutorial. Here we go.

  1. This step is very important so don't fucking skip this shit. First thing you need to do is purchase a domain name, you know like a good one like 'cumwhore.com' or some shit like that with some real meaning, something thats going to stick in peoples minds and shit. Get a dot com for Christs sake too don't be a cheap fucking bastard and get some shit like a '.info' or some shit. Go for the premium domains! But don't go to fucking crazy and buying a fucking high dollar mother fucker either. I'd spend no more than $30 on that shit. Remember not to get it hosted where you bought it yet cause you'll just be pissing money out your ass if you do. more on that in the next step.
  2.  Alright now you bought a fucking domain name and shit now you got to move on to the other bullshit. You need to find a fucking host that will allow you to host your domain name but most these fucking cocksuckers don't allow Porn shit to be hosted on their servers cause they are just a bunch of whinny bitches. Don't spend too much on this shit either. Just like your future site followers you want the most fuck for your buck. I would just find a free host for now that want be pussies and will host your domain name. If you want to piss out some cash go ahead and do it that way but like I say save your money for fucking condoms and whiskey.
  3. Now you are like, where do I get the content and shit, right? Well this is where most people fuck up and fail. You have a few fucking options here. The first one and the stupidest would be paying for your shit, thats fine and dandy but don't you think that all so called fresh content that them bitch ass content resellers are trying to sell you is all over the place and is stale as fuck like that fucking pizza crust just chilling in that week old pizza box is. Not to mention the shit is way over priced especially if you want quality and believe me you do. Go ahead and be a jack off if you want and pick that option but lets move on to the next. The second option is to fucking put a fucking add out or pay some fucking sluts to do some videos and photo shoots and shit. That takes a fuck ton of  bones. You got to get a high fucking dollar camera or hire a fucking photographer and to get video you got to hire someone to film it, edit and all that shit. Plus you got to keep fucking records of the cumdumpsters age name address all that shit to be in compliance with fucking title 18 U.S.C. 2257 shit. I say fuck that option too. The third option is you could steal content, get caught and get your ass raped for the next five fucking years. I'll leave that one up to you. The forth fucking option and the best way to do it in my opinion. To get content sign up as an affiliate with other porn sites, you know the big ones. They got all the content you need to make money and rub the skin off your fucking nub. The trick is to sign up and help promote their site. They will have all the tools you'll need, fucking banners, videos, full galleries and shit like that. You need to get allot of affiliates the more the fucking merrier. 
  4. Alright now you got all the fucking content your dick desires, now you need to start building your web page. Don't be a dipshit and use a lame ass fucking templates either not only is that fucking stupid as hell everyone on the block has the same ass shit. You need to set it up to set you apart from the rest of those template fucks. Do your self a favor and learn at least HTML and CSS. You can learn that shit for free if you fucking Google that shit. Build some galleries, links, vids and all that bullshit. Once it all looks good upload that shit but we aint making money yet. Thats why the next step is so important.
  5. You need to promote your shit yo! Thats right submit your site with description to all the mother fucking search engines you can find. Google mother fucking porn link submission and go to fucking town. Keep that shit up. And monitor your traffic see where it's coming from and build off it. It's fucking easy as fuck. Once your up and running update your fucking site with new shit every fucking day. The easiest way to do that is to build all your shit a week in advance and and only release a little at a time. After awhile you'll start getting hits. It seems slow as fuck at first but you got to keep that shit up. You wont get rich off this shit over night so just keep fucking trying. You'll get it if you don't give in as quick as Paris Hilton spreads her legs. 
  6. Keep up with all your sponsors, see which ones are not making you shit, and kill them bitches. Fill that space with sponsored content with higher payouts. Keep updating your shit daily and further promoting to get more visitors. The more visits equal more profits. Some sponsors payout as much as $35 if your referral becomes a member so theres an ass-load of fucking cash to be made off this shit.
  7. Repeat all the above fucking steps a few time and congratulations, you just created a porn empire. Maybe now you can afford that original content. Enjoy your fucking fat cash, house full of bitches and that new car, you busted your balls doing it. Now you can hire people do do this shit for you and retire early.

11 comments:

Ocioso said...

bro!
google TOS says 'no adult content' or so...

;D

also thnx for your comment :)

Juice said...

Thanks for your input however, I'm in bounds of the TOS. Check this http://www.google.com/support/blogger/bin/answer.py?hl=en&answer=76314

MacPCharmony said...

You have a good thing going here :)

Randy Weezner said...

if only i had the balls

Fuuuuuuuu said...

great post!

roger said...

hahah. good shit. i think im gonna have to try this. if all else fails.

Swift Love said...

I can't wait for tomorrow's update!

Joe said...

hahaha the way you worded everything is great!

BLUERAD said...

I think i understood some of that... Do you have your own porn empire? Show links please!

Hitman said...

haha

SilverWind said...

GIVE ME THAT MONEY!

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